Love and Relationship Lessons from My Failed Marriage. Have you ever wondered what happens when love doesn’t last? When the fairy tale ending doesn’t quite come true? Well, I’ve got a story to share with you, one about love and relationships, but with a twist. Instead of a perfect ending, it’s about the bumps and bruises.
You see, my story starts with a marriage that didn’t quite work out the way I hoped. But instead of dwelling on the heartache, I found valuable lessons in the wreckage. It’s a journey of self-discovery and learning what love truly means when faced with challenges.
So come along with me as I open up about my failed marriage and the insights it brought. It’s a story of growth, resilience, and ultimately, understanding what it means to love and be loved in return, even when things don’t go according to plan
Love and Relationship Lessons from My Failed Marriage
In this section, I’ll take you on a journey through my failed marriage, weaving in the valuable lessons I learned along the way about love, relationships, and personal growth.
Get ready to explore the highs and lows of my experience and discover the profound insights that emerged from this transformative chapter of my life.
Unexpected Beginnings: Meeting Him and the Journey to Marriage
In life’s story, we meet unexpected characters who leave lasting impressions. Some are like gentle breezes, others like thunderstorms. But each one teaches us something valuable, adding depth to our journey
I was 22 when I met him for the first time. Or 21. I don’t clearly remember. He was the same age as I, and my classmate. My first-ever memory of him is him giving a speech on Nelson Mandela.
Little did I know at that time that he would be the boy I would marry one fine day, and probably in a very unique way, he will always be a very important lesson in my life.
He’s a classic example of a Karmic relationship in my life and he brought many ups and downs in my life, like I must have done in his life. Maybe we were meant to be that for each other’s ascension and not be life mates.
Getting Married After Losing Dad: Seeking Safety and Stability
We got married shortly after I lost my father in Covid, and now when I reflect I understand why I wanted to get married so much. I was looking for safety, security, and stability that had been shattered by the sudden death of my father.
However, I couldn’t, at that point perceive that none of us were ready for a commitment like marriage.
I had to secure myself instead of burdening all of that on him. Marriage, unlike love, is a social commitment in India.
That involves several factors and people and hence impacts much more deeply and if two people aren’t mature enough to shoulder that kind of responsibility and understanding, marriage shouldn’t take place.
Marriage is like a promise we make to our families and society to stay together and support each other. It’s important to be ready for this big commitment.
Exploring What Could Have Been: Reflections on Love’s Journey
Love is hard. It is. But marriage is harder and parenthood is hardest. Some love stories are meant to be just that.
Love stories. Incomplete but complete in their unique way. When I look back at all of it from a distance I wonder how mature and good it would have been if we could have let each other go with all the love in our hearts and respect for each other at the right time.
Maybe invested our time in healing ourselves instead of being trauma-bonded to each other, hoping it would work out with so many visible misalignments between us.
What could have been if we could have just taken a break or space and permitted the other one to think through clearly as well without any burdens and pressures? Maybe we could have had a different story.
Who knows? If we had healed and evolved with and for each other, that would have been the utmost love. Love comes in all forms and shapes in our life.
Understanding Love’s Reflection: Growing and Healing Along the Way
Love is the mirror that will show you your deepest shadows and triggers while all the time you would want to blame your partner for mistreating you, calling them names.
But that’s not true. Each person, whether it be a Karmic, a soulmate, or your twin flame will only reflect what and who YOU are in your core, where you need healing, and which triggers are to be worked upon deeply for a fuller and better life.
Love will always evolve you, long after the person you loved is gone. My father’s demise is still making me grow as a person and so is my failed marriage.
I wouldn’t have been who I am today if these events wouldn’t have taken place. I do wish that none of it should have happened but maybe then that’s destiny.
It works in ways we don’t understand, just like love. Now, after all of this time away from him, I am finally able to let him go.
After all this time. Happened gradually. Happened as I healed those parts that were trauma attached to him and once I was able to work on those exact parts, I realized that my attachment to him naturally got released and I could move on to feel free.
Letting Go of the Ghosts: Finding Healing and Moving On
He was no longer a ghost haunting me all the time. It was not him, all along, it was my wounds and traumas. No wonder he wouldn’t have been able to fill those gaps no matter what.
It was my work to be done, not his. It happened gradually but I was able to forgive myself and him and everyone involved. He is not the love of my life like I am not his.
I don’t even know if I have the love of my life, but who cares? I am just happy that he happened and he taught me parts of love, some aspects of it and he was taken away when his part was over.
I clutched to him for my dear life but that’s exactly where love ended and obsession and control became. When you try to force fit something in your life it will always make you bleed.
And that is exactly what love is not. He didn’t define love for me, and I no longer look for him in all the people I meet. I realized what attracted him were my shadow parts and to release that attachment, I had to heal my issues.
Letting go is like releasing a balloon into the sky. It’s hard to do, but once we do, we feel lighter and free.
Unveiling the Truth About Love: Letting Go, Healing, and Growing
Love is not paining you. Your clutching onto them is. Your obsession is. Your attachment and fear are.
Your control towards the safety is. You’re trying too hard and that is what is paining you. Just like you cannot control the seasons and dates and time and storms, you cannot control the time someone is meant to stay in your life for a particular lesson.
All aspects of love sometimes do reflect in our trauma patterns and that is why letting go is hard because letting go will bring all triggers, wounds, and traumas to the surface giving them their ugly appearance, something you were able to hide all along, but now you end up alone to heal them.
If not, you end up blaming the other person, the circumstances, victimizing yourself and never moving on thus destroying the concept of love and life altogether.
Loving someone doesn’t mean becoming a handicapped person, or a parasite who derives all their value from the other partner.
That is co-dependency and not love. Love is free. Love is strong enough to permit natural growth and evolution. Love is depth and maturity.
Love is healing. Love is patient and understanding and comes with a lot of softness kindness and forgiveness. Love is selflessness.
All the anger, issues, pains, and hurt come from other places like conditioning and trauma of childhood or even past lives.
Love in itself is medicine, especially when it is directed towards oneself, and only when a person can fully feel love in themself can they feel for someone else truly.
As you truly heal from within, you truly love someone else.
8 Lessons from My Failed Marriage
Now, I will share my lessons with you. Love isn’t meant to cause pain; it’s our attachment, obsession, and fear that often do. Trying too hard to control and hold onto someone only leads to more suffering.
Just as we can’t control the seasons or time, we can’t force someone to stay in our lives beyond their time.
- Marriage is a Social Commitment: Understand that marriage involves societal expectations and responsibilities, and it’s essential for both partners to be mature and ready for such a commitment.
- Love is Complex: Love is challenging, but marriage adds another layer of complexity. Recognize that while love may bring you together, sustaining a marriage requires effort, patience, and understanding.
- Self-Healing is Vital: Take time to heal yourself before entering into a committed relationship. Address your wounds and traumas to prevent them from affecting your relationship.
- Letting Go is Necessary: Learn to let go of attachments that no longer serve you. Holding onto past hurts and traumas only hinders personal growth and prevents you from moving forward.
- Co-Dependency vs. Love: Understand the difference between co-dependency and love. Love should be free, allowing for natural growth and evolution, while co-dependency stifles personal development.
- Divorce Can Bring Opportunity: While divorce may be painful, it can also offer a chance for a fresh start and new opportunities for love and growth.
- Not All Endings Deny Love: Just because a marriage ends doesn’t mean there was never love. Recognize that relationships evolve, and sometimes love takes different forms or fades over time.
- Trauma Bonds are Not Love: Be aware of trauma bonds, which may mask themselves as love but are based on shared trauma patterns. True love involves healing and growth, not bonding over past wounds.
FAQs
Is Divorce a Bad Thing?
More than a divorce, an unhappy marriage is painful. Divorce still gives you another chance at love and life, but a toxic marriage destroys everything.
If a marriage ends, does that mean there was never love?
No. Just because it couldn’t work out for a lifetime doesn’t mean it was never love. It could have been for a short span, but when two people grow, heal, and evolve, their natural attraction to each other might die out.
Are trauma bonds love?
No. Trauma bonds aren’t love. When two people feel attracted to some trauma patterns in each other and enter a relationship because they find it familiar and comforting, that’s called trauma bonding, which many people confuse as love. However, if they heal those patterns, they will naturally move away from each other and find their real love in someone else.
How do you heal from a broken heart?
Healing from a broken heart takes time and self-care. It’s essential to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship and to process your emotions. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, engage in activities that bring you joy, and focus on personal growth. Eventually, with time and self-reflection, you’ll be able to move forward and open yourself up to new possibilities.
How do you move on from a past relationship?
Focus on yourself, spend time with loved ones, and find activities that make you happy. Time heals, and you’ll eventually feel better.
You May read:
How do you resolve differences in a relationship?
What is the difference between love and respect in a relationship?